Recurring dreams

Ok so I don't know about you guys but I get recurring dreams A LOT.

I'm not sure when it started happening, but i guestimate it was around grade 10 when i first started getting them. they were recurring once every week, maybe a few times a week, so then Steven and i started actually keeping dream journals. every morning when i got into school i would type out pages and pages of what i remember, and it would be in extreme detail. whenever we both examined what each other dreamt of, we both noticed i had a recurring theme around my dreams - betrayal, unhappiness, love and death *cue tokio hotel song/ cue kerli song*

it wasn't until around grade 11-12 that these dreams were getting progressively worse. it would always be steven leaving me for his ex, or i would be with my old high school crush because something happened with steven. it's all very weird to me. i still cannot grasp the concept of repetitive dreams. the books i've read has said it usually mean that whatever youre dreaming of is what you want but you can never have it.

"but i'm perfectly content with my relationship, i don't wanna be with anyone else," i say!

then i've had friends say that "well do you think about it before you sleep? or anything" - no, i just don't think ._.

and then for the last 2-3 years they've been recurring every. single. day. of. my. LIIIIIIIIFE - give or take a few days without recurring dreams. and now people are saying "well maybe you have cold feet" because our wedding is coming soon.

sweeties, if i had cold feet i would've backed out a long time ago. i'd have to be crazy to back out from an amazing relationship. also it's been going on for about.... 8-9 years?

*************

anyway now that i've said that, i figured out how to tell if i'm actually dreaming.

usually i dream of being in a dark house and tying to turn on the lights, but even though the lights were on, the room would still remain dark... it was almost like if you turned on the black lighting, but there would be the incandescent lighting underneath so it would glow. and even though lighting is still on, the room would still be in darkness, almost like if you were wearing thick and really dark sunglasses and if the lights were on in your room... (so if any of you have watched inception, you'll know that the main characters carry around "totems" to let them know if they're dreaming)
the act of turning on the light switch is when i'd be able to tell if i'm dreaming. every time i've done it in other dreams the same thing happens; the room remains dim.
except afterwards i'd have no way to control what's happening in my sleep and i can't lucid dream. no matter how many times i write in my dream journals (i have a few loose leaf papers and 3 actual journals now, two being completely filled up) i still can't stop the recurring dream.

so if any of you have ever dealt with recurring boy dreams, or know a way to stop recurring dreams in general ("not sleeping" is not an option, i need my sleep to function) then please share with me :(