A Sprinkle of Disney Magic and Women Power

These past weeks I've been feeling down in the dumps. Work has been killer. Complete power struggle in there with the men picking on me. Like they refuse to accept I have power over them and so to make up for loss of power, they bully me and make women jokes, and they've made me lose every little faith I've had in humanity. Like who would've thought I'd encounter such... sexist, ageist, greedy, power thirsty bastards? It's funny I've actually been threatened by an older co worker because I made him get a demotion from his position as supervisor (well he wasn't doing a good job anyway.. this was the same guy who refused to let women use the closest bathroom simply because there was more men in the office than women pfft) saying he has dirt on me. Right, what dirt is this Mr. big-shot-who-couldn't-do-his-job-properly? at least i own up to the shit i do and I'm honest in my work. THAT'S how i got my position. but i digress.

So this week I went on a little self journey, to "find myself" so to speak, as cliché as that sounds. and uh.. what can I say? a lot has happened this week.

I found a certain name for my weirdness. It's called "Disney Pagan". OK now before y'all go on a tangent and be all like AHH SHE'S A WITCH -- no. i just worship nature and respect it, and believe we should take care of mother earth because she provides for us. (side note: HEY i know YOU THREE SPECIFIC LADIES are reading this. don't the lot of you go "The Crucible" on me, KAY?)

So how did i figure out a name for this weirdness?

1) As you all know, I am a super big Disney chick (and i don't plan on giving up that title of Disney's Biggest Crybaby) and I frequently watch a lot of Disney Movies & anything Disney related (behind the scenes, special features, interviews, etcetera). Disney has raised me and brought me up with morals that my parents couldn't or didn't give to me. I'll name you a few just as an example.

-"How high does a sycamore grow? If you'll cut it down, then you'll never know. And you'll never hear the wolf cry to the blue-corn moon, for whether we are white or copper skin, we need to sing with all the voices of the mountain, we need to paint with all the colours of the wind"- Pocahontas, Colours of the Wind ... we're all people, it doesn't matter what race, culture, or religion you have, or where we all came from. you need to respect the earth and what she gives you, and protect it because it can't protect itself, or else our future generations will never be able to witness the majesty and magic and wonders of the Earth if it's destroyed.
-"We are all connected in the great Circle of Life" - Mufasa. I think Mufasa was the wisest of the Disney Characters. One part of the movie he was telling his son Simba that when we die our bodies return back to the Earth, and we become flowers, or grass, or trees that bear fruit, and the animals like the birds eat the fruit. So this rings especially true. i never really understood it when i was younger but now i do.
-I don't know if you guys know the story of beauty and the beast (most of you probably do) but the point of the movie was to show, looks don't matter. it's what's on the inside that counts. simple as that. if you're a jerk like Gaston, you can bet your sweet ass no one is gonna be around you no matter how filthy rich or how attractive you are.

This is just a few, i can name so much more but if i type any more I'll soak my keyboard with my tears. Getting back on track, this week i actually re-watched the Lion King with Steven since he's never seen it. Since he was preoccupied working i thought i might watch behind the scenes before he has time to watch the actual film. I saw so much heart and effort and thought put into their final piece, that i couldn't hold back my tears. These were the people that made my childhood. these were the people who instilled these morals (above) in me. They made me who i am today, these people I've never even met, people who don't even know me. I've never felt so grateful. ..... Oh look here we go the water works. ***
  
The Biggest revelation i made today actually was when i was watching Once Upon a Time. FINALLY. i can see why it's so good. They had a lot of Disney Characters and other fairy tales that Disney never really made "Disney Official", but anyway. It was quite dark for a series that borrow Disney characters. they've completely altered and connected a lot of stories, made simple characters more complex and with a back story for everyone... and i actually made it 9 episodes into season 1. I wanted to cry in each episode. they tugged at my heart strings. how come Disney always does this to me. I don't do it with any other movies or TV series...oh right, my revelation. i realised that the world can be a dark place. it can be full of evil and it will never go your way, just like in the little fictional town of Storybrooke. But like the little boy Henry and Snow White's long lost daughter Emma Swan, strive to be good and keep the magic alive in your heart. Keep the child inside of you alive. (This was another thing I've learned this week.) oh no the waterworks again.*** Oh i especially now how female dominated this series is. It's no longer the prince saving the damsel. always the other way around!

OK now i know there's a lot of controversy behind Disney owning labels that promote bad stuff and i know they own a few soft-core porn industries.. but think of it this way. Disney was basically my Third Parent. i really don't are if they were doing the Nasty behind my back or anyone else's. They serve as a reminder that the world is still a dark place, but with the money they've earned from doing the Nasty they were able to put it into some good to teach children and people like me that good still exists. they remind us that it's our job to turn the bad into good.

2) Right so now that that's said and done, the pagan part of it. well you can judge from the above 2 Disney quotes that it really is quite nature based. But these have stuck to me for years. I haven't watched Pocahontas or the Lion King (until recently) in maybe 15 years? and yet these particular ones stayed with me. Really, because i do respect nature. i do realise i take it for granted but I'm improving. I've strayed away from pharmaceutical medicines and opted for homoeopathic medicines, i know how to properly recycle and sort out trash (lol don't judge me), I'm actually going to an "empty the tanks"/down with Marineland demonstration down town Toronto in May, I'm beginning to respect where my food came from (hint, its not the grocery store) and i haven't bought clothes recently even though i should probably invest in business attire and not show up dressed in a sweater like a teenager to work? :| hm.. i wonder if that's why I've been getting a lot of disrespect lately...
Oops, digressing. The pagan part. I decided to research what it entails and what is required... and you know what? its basically whatever I've been practising and whatever i believed in. I just now have a name for it. all it required of me is to keep a "book of shadows" ... which is really a journal of your dreams, personal beliefs.. yknow a day to day journal like what we had in school. it's really just a spiritual thing, and not a "worship this because you have to" kind of deal. it 'll serve as a reminder of what my purpose on Earth is. some people prefer to have spells and a witches creed in their books... but I'm not looking into doing any spells. i know there's some sort of science behind it and all that frequency mumbojumbo, but i believe everything has to come naturally. so no spells for me. some people also have recipes for food. yeah almost like a cookbook. no, not a cook book for potions OK la? The other requirement is to meditate and focus on positive energy (as with every religion, but i prefer not to think of this as a religion, just spiritual practise).

So what convinced me that i should be more pagan? well after doing a lot of research i found a video of how to find/connect to your totem animal(s)... "huh i wonder what that means" i thought. after doing this one mediation, i found out that i had like... 5. basically, the animals are a way to communicate an aspect of you. they represent your "personal or spiritual identity".
In my meditation, my first animal that came to me was a young doe. i asked it Twice if it was my totem animal and she nodded. Twice. i was feeling pretty sceptical about this meditation, but then to make sure i understood, the deer actually came up to my left side and walked with me down to this path where i met a great horned owl. i asked the owl if it was also my totem animal. it flew way ;_; i walked along the path with my deer and came to a beach where three dolphins were jumping at me, and before i could even complete my question they squealed and leaped in the air. and then a lion came up to my right and roared for my attention. when i asked him if he was also my totem animal. he roared at me pretty loud. almost like a "yes, how could you forget about me" and then laid down on the sand. the owl came back and said yes, and then i heard a humpback whale going .. OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.. kinda like this:

so i asked the whale, and it leaped in the air with the dolphins. And then it was the end of the meditation so i had to say goodbye. i felt pretty damn sceptical about the entire thing... until i opened my eyes and saw my calendar. I've never actually taken a look at my calendar but it showed a scenic view of the water and the forest and the rocks just like in my meditation. here i am thinking i must be crazy.
i go over to Steven and when he was doing the meditation (i didn't force him to do it, he did it on his own because he wanted to try it out) he came across a deer in the forest... when he asked the deer it shrugged and jumped away. but then (here's the tear-jerker) our pet hamster Katie came to see him. so Katie was Steven's animal totem. and when it came time to say goodbye he cried :( anyway this had a profound affect on me because .. well i believe in spirits. I've had the ghost of a little girl beside my bedside, and i have encountered her like 3 times. when i was awake in my bed. and she was always creeping beside my bed. and so what happened was i think through this meditation i realised that "yes animals have spirits too." 

3) so now that rambling number two is finished... i dunno, I've been feeling a lot more connected to the earth and it's animals... and I've been getting sick of eating meat :| and I've actually had a talk with one of my friend's mothers about this whole thing (which is how the Disney pagan thing came about lol.. I'm not serious about this title i made up BTW, it was all in good humour...)

... this pagan thing is something that makes sense to me. being pagan makes sense. Worshipping the earth. Mother Earth. and we can prove the earth exists lol! 

Rereading what i wrote, i guess a lot of this decision to become pagan is coming from the negative male energies form work... because being pagan also means female pride. just because the men have penis doesn't mean they're superior.. they go around disrespecting women, telling them to make them sammiches, and have them stay home to look after the kids... but if you really think about it, who gave birth to them? mhm, their MOTHER. Now i know a lot of male friends who don't do this, and they're one of the rare few who respect women. props to them. but let me ask the guys who i know take women for granted... would you talk the same way to you mother? disrespect your mother? then why would they disrespect the women in their lives? including the women outside the home who are also mothers, human beings with feelings, who have the vagina to take a pounding and shove a human head out of a tiny hole, and has enough strength to endure the pain of labour, and to carry a human inside their uterus... with also the risk of death? and actually in the past in tribes it's been very matriarchal until somebody had the balls (lol pun) to change the system and put male dominance over the women. and now look at what the world has become. no respect to mother earth. in more ways than one. 

you know what else? scientifically we don't need the male to reproduce because we can find other ways to give birth on our own. SCIENTIFICALLY PROVEN. for example the female hammerhead shark who asexually reproduced her own offspring. so i don't understand the need to hold the penis over our heads. literally and metaphorically speaking.

but i wont get into that. i just feel that i need some woman power in my life and this will help me.

One more month until my back tattoo.

I've said for a long time that i wouldn't get a tattoo.

"It wrinkles and fades over time" i said. 

"I'm afraid of pain" i said.

"I want to have pure virgin skin" i said... OK not really i never actually said that. 

and now in about a month I'll be getting my first ever tattoo. and I'm not getting those tiny tramp stamp looking things or tribal tattoos either. I'm going all out. 

so why the sudden want for a tattoo?

well... it's kinda hard to describe. but you know that moment when you're ready? like you're ready to just dunk your head underwater and swim because you're not scared anymore? or when you're ready to just fuck it and lose your virginity (pun intended lol)? it's been on my mind for about a year. this is my last act of defiance against tradition before i marry and finally "grow up".

after doing a lot of research about trying to care for a healing tattoo and looking up least painful places to have a tattoo.. and looking up cool places for a tattoo... i kind of just got fed up of fearing the pain. I'll just do it and roll with it. 

this one I'm gonna get will go on half of my back - the bottom portion. It'll be of two dolphins leading a ship to safety. at night. is there any significance? besides the obvious love of dolphins? let's just say I'm looking for some direction and guidance in life. in a lot of dolphin folklore they're always guiding ships and directing ships towards safety. and you all know my dad's story :P and why specifically night time? because night is just so peaceful and quiet. night time sharpens, heightens each sensation... and silently the senses abandon their defenses.... oh whoops almost broke out into a phantom musical number. moving on!

afterwards when I've find purpose in my life and have accomplished all of my goals, I'm going to "graduate" with an upper back piece. WHALES FLYING AMONG A SEA OF STARS. Like in fantasia!

You'd think I'd get an ocean tattoo. but i don't think i can pull that off. only certain individuals can. and besides I'd prefer to see the ocean... putting it on my back would make my wanna peer over my shoulder and make me get a kink in the neck from trying to look. 

well i guess that's enough rambling for today. time to swim!

2 new decor ideas

I finally figured out what kind of foyer i want. since after work i wanna walk into a cozy looking home that looks like a vacation home, i decided to do something beachy/ nautical. with port holes for mirrors, or as picture frames! i know i want a sitting area to put on shoes/boots, and it'll double as an area to put sock drawers and folding umbrellas, and keys to other parts of the house or something. Also want a tiny coat rack to quickly hang our bags and jackets,. i'd also like to hang my art along the wall as well :P

 

And then for my bathroom... I've always wanted a baroque/rococo style mural on my ceiling in my bedroom with mermaid cherubs... and look what i found on the internet! mermaid cherubs!! but since then i decided that this would be best in my mint coloured master bathroom since the ceiling will already come flat..

i was looking around my house and Steven's house and we've noticed that only the kitchen and all the bathrooms have flat, smooth ceilings. in fact if you notice the ceilings of your house, it's all bumpy because the construction dudes put that there to hide imperfections like large bumps and holes and stuff... and only the bathrooms and kitchens are flat. so at least i don't have to worry about paying extra to make the bedroom ceiling flat. I'm not sure what to do for lighting yet so i guess i'll worry about that after.

BUCKET-LIST

-Visit Disney World for 3 weeks and go on at least one Disney cruise.
-Go to the Beach at night when the moon is full and at its peak... Listen to Metal.
-Go to the Beach in rainy weather... Listen to FolkMetal.
-Fall asleep by the beach.
-Learn to Scuba.
-Go Fiji. Volunteer for this program http://www.gvi.co.uk/programs/volunteer-dolphins-fiji
 AND stay at the underwater Posidon hotel. (Hey if i die drowning, I die Happy with the fishies.)
-Visit my facebook friends :) 
-Go to France; Visit the Garnier Opera House, Notre Dame, and Palace of Versailles.
-Go to NewYorkCity; See the Phantom of the Opera Stage Production, the Lion King stage production, and eat at Ninja NewYork.
-See the Aurora Borealis.
-Visit the McMichael Art Gallery again to walk where Johnny Depp walked... and perhaps salivate all over the ground.
-Go Horseback Riding
-Go Canoeing
-Renovate my future home's basement Erik-&-POTC-worthy, but Flood-&-Bug-proof and Bunker-ready.
-Renovate the attic into an awesome hidden third bedroom, but Tornado-&-Thief-&-Bug-proof.
-Re-watch Thumbelina, Anastasia, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Oliver and Company, Pinocchio, and Titanic.
-Watch the Princess and the Frog, Brave, Finding Dory
-Try to watch all three Lion King movies with Steven without bawling my eyes out.

Finally, a mermaid dream and i end up killing someone.

"I will die for the love of the mermaid; Her seduction, beauty and scorn; Welcome to the end of your life - Hail the Oceanborn!" - Devil and the Deep Dark Ocean by Nightwish

Some time ago i knew someone. we had minor history together a long time ago, but not much really. he was a nice guy, we'd call and chat and vent out personal problems. but now we don't talk anymore because he threw away our friendship. I was upset. I'm still upset, but i try not to let it get to me, and i try to forget about him.

but then every once in a while, that bastard returns to haunt me in my sleep.

anyway tonight i dreamt i was a mermaid... of the seductive&murderous variety. it was pretty cool. for a while. in my dream i was able to seduce him and pull him under the water. except then i started lucid dreaming and i realised what i was doing. so once i got him under the water i started strangling him. and then he tried to strangle me! i was so angry about it that i had the urge to strangle him harder. I tightened my grip.. tighter and tighter... until his neck snapped.
I looked at him in the eyes and felt so much hatred hurt inside that...

i woke up gripping my pillow with both my hands. i woke partially because i scared myself, and partially because Steven's alarm text woke me up for work.

I've never felt the urge to kill. except bugs, yes i get urges to kill annoying pests and i do kill pests. but I've never felt that urge for another human being that i once cared about.

anyway i thought it was appropriate to leave up a line of lyrics from Nightwish that describes how I'm feeling.

Thanksgiving, thankstaking.

Ah thanksgiving... a time were we can all comfortably stuff our faces with the ones we love and just be thankful for once in our lives that we are sheltered, spoiled, and have an abundant of food to eat.
I have a lot of things to be thankful for. Steven, Traci Hines, a house to move into, clothes i can afford, a job with an OK pay, a ton of food i can eat without going hungry, and i get to see Rusalka at the Metropolitan Opera for my 8 year anniversary... 

But this thanksgiving i learned something.

It all began when I wondered "where did thanksgiving come from?" 

I wasn't really taught or told the story. i think the natives gave turkey to the pilgrims because they didn't want them to starve or something. that or the pilgrims just fucking stole the turkey from the natives. i mean, isn't that what they ALL did?
 JUST KEPT TAKING AWAY FROM THE NATIVES UNTIL THEY HAD NOTHING? And then i remembered someone who mentioned something regarding thanksgiving and the natives. Wednesday Addams from the Addams Family, anyone?

[We] have taken the land which is rightfully [the natives]. Years from now [native] people will be forced to live in mobile homes on reservations. [Our] people will wear cardigans, and drink highballs ( which I ironically do :\ ). [Natives] will sell [their] bracelets by the road sides, [we] will play golf, and enjoy hot hors d'oeuvres ( OK i don't play golf but i looove hor d'ouvres ). [Native] people will have pain and degradation. [Our] people will have stick shifts.

Not much of a thanksgiving for the natives. and yet, should i be thankful to the people who "founded this land," who stripped away the land from the natives so my family could exist and work here? in a land where it's supposedly "the true north, strong and free"? not so strong and not so free for the natives :\ should the natives be thankful that they still exist in some way? i don't think so. and then by chance, today i came across a blurb that a my dear friend "Lady-Erik" (Yes i know you read this) had written lovingly on her facebook:

I think our schools need to teach the truth and brutality that created the lives we live now, and the genocidal irradiation, rapes and ethnic cleansing that continued until the 1970s of Native cultures. From 1950-1970 under Governmental law Native American reservations underwent 'sterilization' -- in which effectively made it so hundreds of Native women were unable to conceive, and the native communities were completely unable to grow.
During European colonization of the America's (including Canada, yes, that's in America), it became known as a 'sacred duty' to kidnap Native women with the soul purpose of repeatedly raping them until they died.
Peachy just peachy what our society is built on is this.

And i kept thinking... "What was the point of thanksgiving?"

Coincidentally i went to go see "Captain Phillips" (no spoilers today) starring tom hanks. the movie was based on a real event in 2009 when Captain Phillips was held hostage by pirates (and not of the yohoho-i-have-rum kind). The film showed Somali pirates. It basically showed a struggle for survival for Phillips, but also an everyday struggle for survival for Somalians who had little to eat everyday and had to hijack boats to make a living. Phillips asked the main antagonist "there's gotta be more to life than just stealing and hijacking boats" to which he told Phillips "maybe in America. maybe in America." It gave me some perspective. they they had to hijack boats to make a living to care for their families. Phillips also said "i was just carrying food to places like Africa where people starve" to which the antagonist replied "that's after you come and over-fish. that's why there's none left for us to eat in the first place"



Does this sound familiar?

Not only have we taken things that are not ours, we ruined the lives of many people over the years because we were greedy. We are greedy.

Continually, i kept thinking... "What giving have we done? all we have done is take." I got depressed. and confused.

I mean if it weren't for the french coming into Vietnam, we wouldn't have banh mi and other french inspired foods that married with the Chinese foods, right? or education. or the right to speak our mind. Right?
 if the European settlers didn't "modernize" North America, my dad probably would've died in the Vietnam war. Or he'd have nowhere to escape to.
And if my dad didn't cross a thousand oceans to be where he is now, he wouldn't have come across dolphins to (literally) lead him towards a new life. right? and i wouldn't be here to .. yknow .. think idle thoughts and ramble.

I mean here I am sitting comfortable in my chair, starring at the computer monitor voicing out my thoughts without worrying if the Taliban will shoot me in the head for typing my heart out, with my iphone next to me. what is there to NOT be thankful for at the same time... right? and at the same time... look at how much chaos there was in order for us to even sit and stare at a screen all night.


What did i learn this thanksgiving? I learned... that i am such a big, confused-as-fuck fence-sitter :|

Layout and sketches of our house!

No writing today. just spamming you with pictures. 

The following picture is of the basement.

This next picture is of the first floor (entrance, foyer and garage). below this image is a 3d sketch i did so steven can visualize how it looks like.

 

This one is of the second floor. Its open concept kitchen, living/dining room. also includes a patio. below this image is another 3d sketch. note that i just placed items in the space so we know what we can do with the space.

Here is a picture of the third floor, which includes the bathroom, master bedroom, and second bedroom. then below this image is an image of steven's game/office room, and master bedroom.

 

FAN EXPO - pictures from eons ago -

Ok way way waayy long ago like end of august, i went to fan expo with steven and his friends.

 We went dressed up. since it was our first time going. i put makeup and eyelash glue on him and turned him into the terminator. of course ameturishly.

 and I WENT AS ARIEL!! and ran into like 5 different ariels. only took pictures with two of them. also, LOVE how we carried around stuffed secondary characters. flotsam, jetsam, flounder, and sebastian!

 also ran into THIS chick. we were kinda eyeing each other and cocked our heads at the exact moment we noticed each other. we both wore the exact same hipster ariel outfit, same pants, almost the same shirt, same starfish, same hair part, same bag... and we decided to take pics on each of our cameras.
its unfortunate that my hair went back to brown under the lighting :|

Designing Said Dream Home.

Ok so steven does this thing where he doesn't check the mail (harharhar) and we actually got a letter that states we'll be contacted soon to discuss decor/design for our home!

Super stoked, we then decided to check out the design website. Holy cow that was difficult to find! so difficult it took me like 3 days to find!! and it was so bad that when i was looking up pretty little liars spoilers, the ad for minto orchard park homes (discussed in previous entry) appeared in the area where there would be ..well.. ads..

Anyway we found it and it posed different questions to us that i found was really relevant and helpful and made us think about what we wanted.

• How do you want your new home to make you feel? Clean, relaxing, almost like beach home, or coastal home, but dark and cozy.
• Do you prefer a formal or casual look? Casual (I personally like both. Cannot decide...)
• Do you work from home? Will you need special accommodations for a home office? Yes. Will need home office that doubles as media room (technically video game room for steven).
• Do you have children? NO.
• Do you need a low maintenance lifestyle? YES. Less cleaning ideal
• Do you love to cook? One of us does.
• Do you entertain frequently? No, occasionally.
• Do you have any pets? No.
• Do you want to improve the energy efficiency of your new GTA home? Ideally yes if in budget.
• Is there anyone in the household with allergies or health concerns? Ragweed. Seasonal allergies.

• Do you have anyone who is elderly living with you or visiting frequently? Maybe in the future but not at the moment. Maybe in the beginning both sets of parents will probably visit frequently with food because they’re Asian but only the first few months. After it won’t be as frequent

Also safety and security isn't on this list but they don't deal with that. because I'M super fucking paranoid, I'm having things like curtains and stringy beads and things like make a shit ton of noise when intruders come in installed in the foyer and second floor. hardwood on second floor and stairs (so i can hear people walking up the stairs and on the second floor) and it wont become carpet until the third floor. but enough with my paranoia. lets move on to design ideas!
I places images in order of when you first walk in the house, so lobby would be first floor, second floor, and third floor. obviously these aren't the pics of the house because it hasn't been built yet. right now its a collage of images i found over the Internet to kind of see what I'd like.

-First floor-

OK so here's is the foyer. looks kinda plain i don't know what i really want, but i know i want it look clean. so none of those ugly ass tiles. white tiles would be ideal... i don't care what kind of quality they are or if they sparkle or shine, No. i just want clean white floors that don't look nasty.. simple right? and i can hang my artwork in that area like it's a museum lol...

 

-Second (main living space) floor-

Guest Washroom

Look at how pretty and nice this purple guest washroom is! i picked purple because it's a relaxing colour and i want guests to feel welcomed and be in a relaxed atmosphere. aww see? i care about y'all!

Living room

For the living room i wanted to feel like i'm in Ireland/Scotland or Scandinavia. and because all the best metal artists and ocean imagery comes from Europe.... why not have a space dedicated to nightwish/kamelot and all things that have sea imagery? It even looks like an ikea showroom! Dark blue grayish walls, sheer white curtains, white or blue sofas with loads of pillows.. eek!! and it looks quite warm and cozy for winter but cool enough for summer.

Kitchen

Steven wanted to have a black kitchen so it's gonna be a little bit difficult joining the living room idea with his kitchen idea. so we looked up some more stuff online and we were able to find a few pretty good kitchens that for his requirements and wont clash with the dining/living room! Very nice right?

 -Stairs and third floor-

I have a lot of trinkets and gifts from friends that I'd like to display (because why should i hide them?) but I've been kind of struggling with the idea of "sea themed home" and "human stuff." and that's when it hit me. HUMAN STUFF... THE HUMAN STUFF.. ARIEL'S GROTTO! i can make the stairs almost like Ariel's grotto!!! I'd just have to attach shelves on the walls and paint the entire stairwell blue, and then I'll be able to display my gadgets and gizmos aplenty. Such items include souvineers, signed pictures, birthday gifts, etc...

Steven's game/office room

I said I'd give him his own room to do with as he pleased. so he decided to make a combined office/game room. those are just some ideas for him how to make use of the space.

 Steven's man washroom

Y'know for days when I'm on my period and he's all grossed out n stuff, he can use his own washroom. his own man-oasis. he wants cocoa or chocolate coloured walls because he likes dark colours. lol..

Master bedroom with walk in closet

Because we spend all of our lifetime sleeping, i wanted it to be like i walked into a wonderland where i can just lay on my bed and go to bed happy. and nothing makes me more happier than being UNDER THE WATER. so of course I'll have quirky features like porthole picture frames, and jelly fish light fixtures, and all that fun stuff. of course the walk in closet will be my space. best part? Steven also gets his own closet space :3 Bedroom also comes with a...

Master bathroom!!

Ok so as you can see its bright and airy. and extremely mint green. AND SUPER CLEAN. the main reason why i wanted like a nice looking bathroom is because i like spending time in the bathroom and in the water. it's very therapeutic for me to be sitting in the tub and letting the shower head run while i contemplate the meaning of life.. ugh such a waste of water but raaaggh!!! ;_;

I guess that's it for now. there's other details and such like what to upgrade, which isn't worth upgrading, what kind of doors would we like to install... what flooring... blahblahblah.. but that'll be in another future post.

Dream home.

So as most of u guys already know, steven and i bought a place. it's up in a wooded farm area right on the edge of the suburbs, so there's lot of clean air ^_^ too bad no beach. oh well, I'll take what i can get.



We bought an end house (style was called the birch) with brick finish.

2 bedrooms

2.5 bathrooms
and it looks like we have an attic so in the future if we wanted to we can renovate the attic into an awesome space. basement included.
and because we went on opening week, we got bonus swag with our house! washing machine and dryer, stove/oven, refrigerator, and a BBQ (though i kinda doubt we'd be using it...)

we just have to drop the last deposit and we're good :)

ok so interior of the house: we have the basement, main floor/lobby garage, second floor open concept kitchen living dining area and bathroom, third floor we get the choice to have one big walk-in closet or smaller closet with extra laundry room (it's a bit unnecessary, so we opted for the walk-in closet...)

















seriously i didn't think I'd be this excited to own a place, but after seeing this layout i was like :OOOOOOOOOO and in the back of my mind i kept thinking (omg debbie travis painted house episodes.. theyre all coming back to me!!)

i started looking up different designs for homes and what i wanted certain parts of the house to look like.

steven gets his kitchen space, second bedroom/office/gaming man den space, and the second bathroom. since he wants the kitchen to be black, and since it's open concept, i have to build the rest of the living/dining space around the kitchen. i know what i want my walk-in closet and master bathroom/bedroom space to look like, i just don't know how to stylise the lobby and 2nd floor. (ok technically yes i do but since I'm an artsy fartsy person, so many things come to mind and i have to weed out the ones i don't want..)

i thought, "well what about a coastal living (aka beach theme) home? Imagine walking into a mint green lobby with beechwood furniture and bright paintings on the wall... i can walk right into the door and think I'm in paradise! could i do the lobby that theme? yes absolutely! "
but with steven's dark kitchen.. I'm not sure how that would look like and it wont go with the rest of the house. *picky andrea is picky!* so then i kept thinking "i could also do a submarine/nautical theme and have refurbished porthole mirrors in place in the lobby hallway and that's look epic... and it may even go with the rest of the house.. hm... or i could do straight up undersea theme but have modern elements like an ikea showroom?"

never in my life have i thought this was gonna be an easy process. i knew it was going to be difficult. and steven couldn't help me imagine what the whole house would look like. SO i decided to put my art skills to good use and create three dimensional layouts of what our home would look like.

Of course this is just a really bad photo. I'll upload properly when i get the chance.. but that's basically what our 2nd floor looks like! minus the fridge. (and yes island is included with the house.)

Ok now i have to admit there's a lot of things to think about before the house gets built. tiles, hardwood, carpet? can we negotiate paint colour of walls? what are the cabinets gonna look like? can we have it so we don't have windows in certain areas? can we widen the length of some windows? can we remove a closet door? can we add a few doors? where should we put electrical outlets? should we upgrade certain parts of the house like the roof? what kind of insulation are they using? are they gonna use flame retardant wood? seriously small things to think about but there are a lot!

i wont go into specifics just yet so y'all gotta wait until next year :)

Buy anyway, yesterday steven and i went to ikea to see what kind of look we want to go for.. and there were MAD TONS OF PRETTY TOURQUOISE, BLUES, AND MINT GREEN ITEMS AND SHOWROOMS EEEVERYTHERE!! i was flailing and running all over the place!! so i think i have an idea of what i want now. and steven also knows what he wants.

cant wait to show you guys ;)

Backstreet boys and birthdays.

So on august 7th i ditched work to go see the backstreet boys in toronto. ALL FIVE OF THEM!!!!

Wishing i could somehow be on cloud nine again, i've decided to finally blog about it 7 days later... which is today.

Getting inside....
there were a lot of friendly fans who just met each other and decided to have conversations and such. some even talked to steven and i. oh my gosh. why cant all fans of every fanclub be this civil, polite, courteous, and friendly??

Opening acts.
Baylee Littrell (brian's son) came out to sing two songs. OH MY GOOOOOOOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!! HE'S SOOOOOOOO CUUUUTE!!! and the way he busted some moves and walked down the catwalk just like his dad x) awww! AND HIS DADDY WAS STANDING BEHINDD IN THE WINGS SMILING AT HIS SON GOING ALL LIKE "THAT'S MY BOY!!!" most adorable thing ever. EVER. and i SWEAR he sounds exactly like MJ when he was in the jackson 5

then DJ pauly D came out.. eh i thought he was ok i dont really do the fist pumping thing.

then Jesse Mchotty (cough) erm... mccartney came out to perform. but the crowd wasnt so rowdy that night :|

then..... it happened....

The lights dimmed. and, in the silence of the darkness... the screen lit up, the smoke filled the stage, and then.....

BACK STREET'S BACK ALRIGHT!!!


a whirlwind of colours, bright lights and sweet sweet music threw me off my feet! we put our X and O signs into the air and kevin i think felt truely overwelmed and so happy that we were showing them so much love.

i so missed the backstreet boys <3 and i was even more enthused because KEVIN CAME BACK!! AT LAST... IT FEELS COMPLETE AGAIN!!!!!!

AJ made a funny comment like "DAMN look at all the beautiful women. its a good thing i'm married otherwise i'd be in big trouble!" xDDDDD... oh AJ.

they showed a filmed Q&A full of ridiculous funny questions... they did sexual innuendos and old people jokes...went a little something like this:

AJ: i like that bass, you really know how to work it, but it seems a little to big for you
HowieD: you know i like holding big things. *winkwink* *cute fangirlish scream*



LOL. oh wait here's another funny one:
Howie: we gotta learn how to take it slow, we cant always bust moves like we used to
brian: yeah we're getting OLD.



and then they proceeded to play some of their songs on acoustics. (insert: HAHAA! the backstreetboys; disproving the theory that boy bands cannot play musical instruments. also proving the theory to be in a band, you must play instruments. WELL HAAA THEY PLAYED INSTRUMENTS. TAMBOURINE, DRUM, ACOUSTIC BASS, AND GUITAR, and therefore ARE a band. NYEHNYEHH ~ ok back on topic...)






Nick liked to touch his crotch a lot everytime the word 'sex' came up :P oh nick what will we ever do with you....

they gave a shout out to the LGBT community (including those who were victims of bullying and who were really suicidal) and dedicated their newest song 'Madelaine' to the group *mad respect*

they announced a BACKSTREET BOYS MOVIE and the crowd went wild. will be out before i marry.

they played a lot of their old songs *to which i sang and danced along to because i knew it off by heart*

and then.... as fast as they came, it ended.

two whole magical hours that i shall treasure forever. mainly because.. well it's my first time seeing the backstreet boys. all five of them live for the first time.

my lifelong goal of hearing them live has come true. it was the best birthday present *that i have given to myself* ever.

The Wolverine Japan Story Review :No spoilers:

ok i'm going to make this fairly quick. rating it 7/10 stars.

Gripes about movie:
-instances where japanese shouldve been used and subtitled. but for the most part they did pretty good at trying to make sure it was constant.
-a love square. seriously? i shoulda seen that coming...
-i LOVE how it was rated PG and yet he goes like "FUCK YOU PRETTY BOY"

-man maybe it's just me being asian, or me being too critical, but whenever i watch something that is mostly asian inspired, i critique it harder than most. that was the most overdone cheesiest asian thing ever to be done by hollywood. ever. plot was fine but ... my god...
-samurai-chiquita... whats up with you? why do you have red hair? man i wanted red hair before it was cool D: and now EVERY ASIAN CHICK IS SPORTING RED HAIR wtf. i cant be special or unique anymore :(

pluses
-1500 jobs were created because of this movie!!
-that LOVE hotel. with themed rooms. i was laughing so hard when they added that in. my god.
-separate plot lines that leads up to the main plot, and some double-crossing. oh man.
-there are some seriously funny things in that movie... since yknow.. it's in japan. just.. go see it.

ok that's enough. you guys are lucky i didn't give anything away this time except for that LOVE hotel. and like ONE LINE from the movie.

RUSSIA, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?

Putin passed a bill not too long ago that basically goes a little something like this:

"HEY ALL YOU GAY PEOPLE AND GAY SUPPORTERS, FROM NOW ON, NO MORE PRIDE PARADES, NO GAY TOURISTS, NO GAY COUPLES ALLOWED TO ADOPT RUSSIAN CHILDREN, AND OH BTW NEONAZI'S CAN BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU."

there are a lot of things wrong with this.

1- theyre living backwards
2- allowing violence and death to happen to their own people when they're already "underpopulated"
3- this goes against the human rights code
4- HELLO, NAZIS?? WHAT IS THIS, THE 1930's?? are you hitler?? now that you're done targeting jews and having jewish being your punching bags, you target the LGBT community who only spread love and unity and equality? YALL ARE BIG FUCKING BULLIES.
5- theyre hosting the olympics 2014.. and gay people are banned from coming in.. UH.. WHAT ABOUT THE ATHLETES WHO ARE GAY? YALL ARE GONNA KILL THEM? :Automatic boycott:
6- their people allow their own children to go through torture from these fucking nazis... UHH...
7- they're punishing their own people by fining and sentancing them for loving someone of their own gender
8- "Foreigners — possibly including athletes — who violate the law, including possibly by speaking about their sexual orientation in public, run the risk of being fined, arrested for up to 15 days, and deported from Russia." - Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2013/07/22/olympic-committee-pushes-back-on-putins-anti-gay-law/#ixzz2aGNR14eW ... UH ok thats fine because we dont wanna visit your stupid country anyway
9- He claims he wants to increase population and only straight married couples can have children.. uh well lessee here
a) no one is gonna wanna live in russia if yall act like nazis. if u wanna increase population stop acting like assholes.
b) so are u saying single umarried people cant get pregnant and have children? are you THAT fucking stupid to be using that "only married people can have kids" argument? what about the infertile couple who cant HAVE children and theyre married? you fucking twit...
c) if you keep promoting hate and allowing your people to commit murder, there AINT GONNA BE A HIGH POPULATION BECAUSE U KEEP MURDERING PEOPLE. logic much???

RAGE. GOD. JUST SO ANGRY TODAY =_=

When i grow up...

I had a lot of carreers in mind when i was a child. all of them were due to certain events that happened in my time. so here they are, for your enjoyment, in chronological order...

Grade 1 Detective/ Police officer/ CSI/ Forensics specialist
One morning during recess, my mom came to visit me and gave me my snacks. i held her hand and led her around the school yard when all of a sudden, a tennis ball hit my mother's face! i turn to face the three stooges who threw the ball and i yell at them like the little bitch that i am... "WHO THREW THE BALL IN MY MOMMY'S FACE??" and they all run off... =_= and so i made up my mind that day to become a detective/ forensics investigator/ police officer to find out who threw the ball and lock them away!! oh boy i was an innocent child...

Grade 2-5 Artist (Painter, illustrator)
i moved to a new school in grade two and the only thing that kept me happy was my art. i was the special kid in class who was constantly bullied and whos food got stolen from.. and the girl with the "retard sister" and was deemed "retarded" because the sister was "retarded." i was really unhappy during that period. so whenever i drew, to my surprise everyone who bullied me would stop, even just for a little bit, to admire my art. and during art class everyone would want to be my partner. so i wanted to be an artist because it made me happy (especially designing my own characters)

End of Grade 5 Archeologist Historian specializing in The Lost City of Atlantis.
I watched the movie Atlantis- the lost empire.. and then one day i found out atlantis was real... i went searching through my dad's highschool books and i find a book about mysteries of atlantis. and then my mind was made that i'd find atlantis. xD

Grade 6 Marine Biologist
I become in love with the sea. i was at my peak in my childhood where i would study behaviours of dolphins, anatomy of dolphins, study about different sea creatures, where they live... etcetc... i really wanted to be a marine biologist

Grade 7 Fashion Designer
.... hey i got girlier :| and i wanted more anime style clothes... hm.. come to think about it i have made my own clothes so that wasnt entirely bad...

Grade 8 Interior Designer/ Architect
My room has been pretty empty ever since i moved to vaughan in grade 6.. and i really wanted to design my own room... so i'd come up with different designs and concepts and then i expanded that to a house.. its kinda strange how that worked out cuz now i'm having a house, so my dream of designing my own home will come true!

Grade 9 Performing Mermaid/ Disney worker
I went through this hippie phase of just wanting to be happy. and then i discovered performing mermaids (yeah thats right i'm a fucking hipster! i knew about mermaid performers before it was current) and i wanted to have my own tail. ...hm.. oh hey wait a sec i have a tail now!!

Grade 10 Disney Animator
I hit my anime/manga peak and wanted to be an animator to work for disney, combining my art skills in illustration and interior design... i just grew to have so much appreciation for disney and what they do.

Grade 11 Theatre person/ costume designer/ actress/ set design person
I started taking drama and thats where i was thrown into a world of magic, and where i started to grow appreciation for performers, script writers, everyone behind the scenes... i wanted to contrudbute to the community!

Grade 12 Wife
 ok guys wait hear me out, here's my logic.. why should i have to work and make money when i can sit at home and have the guy work hard FOR me? and all i gotta do is cook our meals and clean, otherwise i'm good for whatever like shopping and stuff xD... yeah no. i'm not that evil. i immediately scrapped that idea. although i KNOW now i'm becoming a wife, but i'll be working and not like a housewife or anything...

Repeated Grade 12 Singer/ Model / Librarian
man, that year i was all over the place... i wanted to sing, i wanted to dance, i wanted to model... what happened?? i became girlier thats what happened... but were those realistic enough goals for me? not really... so i decided to become a librarian.

Currently...
I have a Library Tech diploma, i have a mermaid tail, i'm almost married... well! some of my dreams and goals have been fulfilled... right now i'm only just realizing my other dream to become a marine biologist and go around the world saving dolphins. i wonder if i'm going through midlife crisis.
 

I shall not will not have a child here or there, i will not have one anywhere!

so a lot of people (i wont name who) always tell me to at least prepare for a child if i accidentally have one. now you all know my gripe about having children, taking care of children etcetc.. but ya guys gotta understand me on this. i've done extensive research. i've taken family education classes. i've taken care of children! and of course the thought has crossed my mind about having a child. but after much though and discussion.. we're not having children of our own.

1) too much money
taking care of a child is hard enough. you have to spend money on their food, clothes, bedding, diapers, toys, education... "of course it's all short term though" WRONG. this carries into their teen years. prom? tutors? afterschool classes? extracurricular activites? dental plan? doctors? more clothes? their tuition? sorry guys i'm much too selfish to take care of someone else before me. i still have to take care of my parents when theyre old and grey. and what happens when they bite you after all that you've done for them? no. just. no.

2) loss of time
supposedly you'll cherish the time you have with your child.. but what about personal time? i've taken family studies and took care of a fake baby .. but that was already hard enough when you have another kid in the house. my niece of 8 years, i've taken care of my niece ever since she was a newborn. i've already lost a lot of my personal time. i missed out on a real childhood. i'm not about to sacrifice more of my time.

3) blood sweat and tears
think of all the physical and emotional pain you'll go through once you have a child! pre birth you constantly have constipation, and you'll feel fat and miserable. during birth youll go through 9 hours of pain in the abdomen that gradually increases and finally your tiny little vagina rips open and youll have to push a huge head out of it!! after birth you wont be able to get the rest you deserve, and when they get older they'll bite the hand that feeds them like little vipers!

4) too much abandoned children in the world
why am i gonna give birth when theres children who need parents? some say "to pass on your lineage and blood and name." i call bull on that. i'm not an animal, i dont need to breed. plus the world is way too overpopulated...

5) Is adoption an option?
maybe. if i ever decide to have a child i'm going to adopt one, give them a home, clothes, food, love.. hey they deserve love too. no abandoned child should ever feel unloved and unwanted. and if they need help finding their true parents then by golly i will help them find where they came from.

6) too young
guys face it.. i'm too young to have one. i still have my whole life to live. i still have goals to accomplish. i still have dreams to fulfil. i'm not ready to be tied down with a baby. i probably wont be ready. ever.

i've thought a lot about this. my parents fully support me on this. we've discussed this. decision is final.

No kids.

Once upon a time... a dolphin story.

there was a boy. his home was run by communists, and a war broke out between the opposition party and the communists. his father did not want him to join the army, so at the age of 18 he left his home with a fisherman in the dead of night- just before morning- and sailed away with the others who had run away from the war.

for days they were out on the ocean. they were well stocked with food and water but that quickly disappeared. soon the fishermen who piloted the boat were beginning to get irritated. the sun beat down on them, there was no food, children were crying, the boat was packed like a can of sardines, and they had run out of drugs. the boy thought "how are we supposed to find refuge if the fishermen dont steer the boat? just because they ran out of drugs and dont have 'a reason to live' doesnt mean they have an excuse to abandon everyone else's lives on this tiny boat..' so the boy took it upon himself to pilot the boat. he asked the fishermen to quickly teach him how to steer, how to tell what direction he's headed, how to use a compass.. things like that. in no time the boy was piloting the boat with no problems. except one; where was land?

one day when he was steering the boat, a pod of dolphins were by the boat. they circled the boat a few times before finally swimming off. the boy thought logically that wherever the dolphins lead the boat to, there would be food... because dolphins are animals and they hunt for food. "ok lets follow these dolphins" he thought. so he followed them. little did he know that these dolphins would lead him and the boat people back to land, safe and sound.

by evening he had reached the beaches of malaysia, and the dolphins -who had lead him and the people to safety- swam back to their home in the ocean. the boy eventually grew older, moved to canada, had children of his own, and continued to live a life free of worries, but he would never forget the day his life was saved by dolphins.

who was this boy? this boy was my dad. that day when he left his home in vietnam, he started a new life; he became a sailor, saved his people... and then when the time came to start a family, he had me. "his daughter who came to be because the dolphins saved him."

Thats why my mom calls me her little mermaid. or "sea maiden."

this is one of the stories i will tell my theoretical children and grandchildren, and i will teach them to have respect for the dolphins and the ocean  :)

A story of how steven and i met, and how we came to be.

So we're almost married and have been dating for an extremely long time.. why not write a sappy long overdue story about how we met, hm?

Pre steven&andrea.. May 20th 2006

It was "prom season" for the 12th graders. here i am alone in the library doing community service hours... when all of a sudden a group of BIG SUPER SCARY 12TH GRADERS COME UP TO ME "oh no" says i "they're gonna beat me up!! i'm too young to die!" i claim... and they ask me to go to prom with their friend. "bwaaaa??" i thought.

A line of communication was open for steven.. turns out he was the one who suggested they all come up to me because i was wearing light blue everything. (light blue shoes, light blue shirt, light blue jacket, light blue capris... even my frickin socks were light blue).. they did not know my name, and so they dubbed me... L.B. for light blue. steven, were you really that simple minded?

ANYWAY, i turned down the offer to go to prom with them. (because i was but a mere 9th grader. who am i to just suddenly show up at a prom strictly meant for soon to be graduates?)

a day or two after the incident, i get a friend request on msn from... steven! "how did he get my email?" i asked. "the guy is hella creepy" i says. "ok i add him" BAHAHA.

years later i found out he got my email from a mutual friend who was friends with my friend. anyway...

we found out that we had a lot in common.. we loved listening to Gackt, listening to jrock, we were in music class, we lived in jane and finch and moved up to vaughan the exact same time... and then we started talking and hung around school a lot...
 and i instantly became known as the 9th grader who hung around the cool 12th graders. (not really but hey, i was untouchable after that. no more bullying! and i still hang out with the guys to this day :3 )


February 16th 2007

a year later i dreamt that we'd gotten married. which was really wierd because a day or so after, he "confessed" his love to me online... to which i automatically log offline, shut of my computer, ran into my sisters room and started laughing like a complete loonie. (i also find out my mom did the same thing when she was my age.. some guy said he liked her and she ran home, locked herself upstairs and laughed like a hyena.. and my grandpa thought she was crazy LOL..) anyway, logged back on an hour later and we decided to completely forget about the incident because i still had issues with guys.. i broke up with this one idiot who thought playing wargames would get him into the military, this one guy i liked was so full of himself and liked someone else, and another was freakin racist and wouldnt date me because i wasnt korean. moving on...

he liked a lot of girls and i would just be like 'oh yeah go for her why not yknow?' but then when he suddenly came out to me it was like "but why me?"... and i still dont have a reason why but anyway... i agreed to meet with him after valentines day.. and i was super nervous because it was our first time seeing each other in a while.. and we always chatted online..
there, in the school cafeteria he officially asked me to be his girlfriend. so i decided to give him a chance because... well why not? (it was afterschool and i lied to my parents that i was staying late to finish up projects xD pfft!) we exchanged our gifts (i got him a magnetic half-heart... that connected to his other half he got me).

and then he stole a kiss :| (different story here, my first kiss wasnt actually with him, it was with a girl, but moving on...)

Our first date we went to swiss chalet to eat... and we still go there to eat because it brings back good memories :) in fact we go there so often that all the servers and hostesses recognize us!


Within a time span of 5 years..

there were a lot of.. complications with family and health and money... and he was always there to provide support.. i actually didnt think he'd stay because of all the shit i go through but he's very understanding and he'll try to help out when he can. there was lots of yelling, lots of tears, lots of emotional things going on.. friends came and died, family was torn apart, i was physically unwell... and he stayed through it all with me. we grew to love each other's dorkiness.. him with his penguin obsession, mine with my ocean mermaid obsession.. and when i was feeling like i was the ugliest girl on the face of the planet he'd always tell me how beautiful i am (and he still does that).

at school i'd always write notes to him, and he'd do the same because there was no way to actually be together a lot in person since he was a college student and i was still a minor. (god i make him sound like such a pedobear eh?) when it came time to meet each other we'd exchange notes and read them.    sometimes i think "how the hell did a bitch like me end up with such a loving and caring person?" well.. i still dont know. but here we are, fully graduated highschool and both college students.. then i realized... he'd always stick around and stand by me no matter what. (like during that time my mom kicked him out of the house and when i had my widsom tooth removed and he took care of me on his work day). i decided that on his birthday, i'd ask him to marry me. just like Topanga did on boy meets world.

August 30th 2011.

i called his friends and secretly got a hold of their numbers in advance to tell them i was gonna propose to him. to my surprise they were all like "OH SHIT NO WAY!! OH MY GOD SO EXCITED! MAD RESPECT"... except one who was all like "youre castrating him!"... pft bitch i hate gender roles, stfu. and one of his friends actually have always wanted a girl to propose to them in the future!
so it was settled. i bought a ring for him, planned his birthday dinner with his friends there... had him open a fairly large box without him suspecting anything... and there it was, his ring. and i asked him to marry me in front of his friends... and of COURSE he said yes.

both his parents and my parents think that it was HIM who proposed to me.. oh if ONLY they knew and would stop gender stereotyping.. (thats a seperate rant i wont get into.)

 but then of course silly me, i didnt get Myself an engagement ring.. HAHAHA... so we bought one.. i'm not a jewelery person and i dont really like mined rocks.. i like the lab made ones.. so he bought me a simple cut tiny green amethyst ring that looks like seaglass!!! why amethyst you say? because amethyst represents february and february is when we started dating :)

and now here we are, both about to be married, newly bought a house, both working together, and about to start a new chapter of our life in exactly one year. one more year. oh my god it's finally happening. my dream from grade 10 (one with him marrying me even before we started dating) is literally going to come true.